No sleep last night / Essai for an Indian Journey

I can't sleep. I've lost my sleep. It's wandering somewhere, far from me, like a shadow. Or, go figure, he's out partying and I'm the shadow. Who's not asleep when I'm not asleep? Insomnia grows like the desert, as the tall trees fall. And all the while, other beings have their eyes open. Other eyes are watching. Insomnia feeds on this confused feeling: there's something else out there, so I've tried everything to get some sleep.

Pas dormir, Marie Darrieussecq

Varanasi, Februari 2023

Dogs yelling
Unknown walkers
Cow Corpses

No time in Varanasi

While my body can't rest, I wander

Could it be that Marguerite Duras became a bit dusty ? 

Winter glow in Indian summer

Some cute severed head on a dining table
 

Spit !

(The white wine)

You're gonna miss your flight

We need to clean the room

Something big is coming

Learning and burning, they say

Dip in the Ganga, the boatman says

But first we should take you to bed

You need to rest

Everything is gonna be alright

The alarm of my cellphone woke me up.

Sometimes, because of dreams, you believe you’re sleeping.

Dead ends, dark all over the bed frame, eyes wide open.

I was thinking of burning bodies on Manikarnika Ghat's burial ground

I was thinking about the future

I was thinking about ghosts from the future hanging out by the Ganga

What kind of poetry do they find in these highly polluted waters ?

 " 2000 roupies ", says Shiva, the boatman.

Are you kidding me ?
 

So, 5 am on a boat on the sacred river


The boatman ask me : What are you looking for ?

IThe organisation of safe sleep for everyone is the marker of the birth of the state. Since the middle age, you're a weirdo if you're not sleeping (or at least, it was the case when you couldn't write on your window "open 24/7/ ". For its part, insomnia is listed in the DSM-5, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders and Psychiatric Disorders. As a symptom,

SYMPTOM :

/ intermediary element between consciousness and the unconscious
/ Manifestation of a defence process. / The attempt and failure to erase a memory, a desire

Where do you go when you fall asleep ? Is it like when you’re dead ?